Chapter 3 - A Rental Van and a Stranger with a Phone

The clip was online before I even knew there was a clip.
By Wednesday, the woman who bagged my groceries wouldn't look at me.
By Thursday, two cars I didn't recognize were parked across the street at odd hours.
I found out what everyone was watching when my neighbor Ruth called me at seven in the morning and told me to sit down.
"Diane, have you seen yourself on the internet?"
I hadn't.
I don't use that kind of thing.
So Ruth sent it to me, and I watched ninety seconds of my own life get torn to pieces.
There I was on the pool deck, my finger out, my mouth open, screaming like a woman I don't recognize.
And there was Nora, six years old, sobbing into the arms of a woman from down the block who had run over when she heard the noise.
The camera swung wider, and there, blurred at the edge of the frame, was a police officer walking up my driveway.
It is a strange thing to see yourself become a stranger's villain.
The comments called me a monster.
Somebody said they hoped the little girl got taken away from me.
I sat at my kitchen table and read every single one, because I figured I owed Nora that much honesty.
What none of them could see was that it happened in a courtyard behind a hedge, and that the only people there when it started were me and my granddaughter.
I was the one holding her hand.
That was the detail I couldn't get out of my head.
When a stranger films you, they decide where the story begins.
They cut off the part where the girl reached for someone.
They cut off the part before the scream.
I called Ruth back the next morning.
"Ruth, did anyone get anything on camera besides the man filming me?"
"Honey, half this street has cameras," she said.
"The Hallorans have four."
So I went to the Hallorans, and I asked them a favor, and they were kind enough to pull up the afternoon of the fourteenth.
At two-forty, a white rental van pulled onto our street and parked two doors down, in the shade of the McCallister oak.
At two-forty-one, a man in a gray jacket got out carrying a small leather bag and walked toward the pedestrian cut-through that runs along the back of our property line.
He didn't leave until four-ten.
Ninety minutes.
Ninety minutes of a man I had never met, standing outside my hedge, waiting for something worth filming.
I sat in the Hallorans' living room and watched him stand there, and I felt something colder than fear move through me.
He hadn't wandered by.
He had parked where his license plate wouldn't be easy to read, and he had come on foot through the gap in the fence.
"Do you know him?"
Mrs. Halloran asked me.
"No," I said.
"But I'm going to."
It took me a week.
I am sixty-one years old and I don't know how to trace a person.
But Ruth's nephew works at a law office downtown, and he owed Ruth a favor, and the favor traveled down the line to me.
The man's name was Victor Ayres.
He was licensed as a private investigator in the state of Connecticut.
That was the part that made me put my hand flat on the counter and steady myself.
He was not a neighbor.
He was not a passerby.
He was not a concerned citizen who happened to be walking past a woman screaming at a child beside a pool.
He had been paid to be there.
I didn't sleep that night.
I kept going back to the mailbox, to the card I had found in there the day before, plain white with one line written in blue ink.
I know what really happened at that pool.
Call me before the hearing.
It was signed M.
Fenwick.
The street address on the card was a P.O. box, but there was a phone number, pressed into the paper hard enough to leave a groove.
On Friday morning I stood in my own kitchen, holding the card in both hands, and I understood that whoever had paid a stranger to film me had also sent me a way to fight back.
Or a way to walk into something worse.
I dialed the number at nine-fifteen, before I could talk myself out of it.
It rang three times.
A woman answered.
Her voice was older than mine, low and worn, like she'd been smoking for fifty years or crying for two.
"Mrs. Whitfield."
She didn't ask.
She said it like she already knew my name was coming down the line.
"Who is this?"
I asked her.
"My name is Marcia Fenwick," she said.
"Marissa was my niece."
I had never told anyone that the child drawing in Nora's lunchbox said Mommy in a window.
I had never told anyone about her name.
But Marissa was the name of the woman who had walked out on my stepson and left her daughter behind, and hearing it out loud in her aunt's voice made the floor feel like water.
"Mrs. Fenwick," I said, "what is this about?"
There was a long pause on the line.
May you like
Then the woman said the sentence I have not been able to breathe normally past since.
"You're holding the wrong child, Mrs. Whitfield."
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